To My Friends:

My husband loves the show Friends and while, I can't truly say that it is or was ever my favorite show, I will sit and watch it with him, as long as the Bachelorette is not on at the same time. But this post is not about the show Friends, or about the fact that my husband could probably beat anyone in the Friends Scene It game :), this post is dedicated to all of my friends, and I bet if we had a show dedicated to all of our friendships, it would be so much more entertaining than that show ever was. (haha)

I have always felt that I had some wonderful friends. Some of them I've known since the age of 2, some of them I have grown up with, and some of them I've met in my adult life. But time doesn't define a friendship, nor does a "family" title. A true friendship is defined by the bond that is shared and I am so fortunate to have some of the best friendships anyone could ever wish for.

Since Shane's passing, I've come to realize how truly blessed I really am. Yes, we've had a very tragic thing happen in our lives, but tragedy does not have to define me. I've been to some very dark and sad places since Shane passed away, and there were day's where I thought I might never see the light again, that I would be trapped in this darkness forever. But when I felt that all hope was lost, I would see the flicker of light being carried by a friends coming to find me.

My friends have walked beside me in my journey of grief. They have allowed me to feel the way I wanted to feel. No one ever pressured me to feel a certain way, they just allowed me to undergo the emotions I experienced. They listened when all I did was cry. They allowed me to be angry and upset, they called to be there for me, and they were accepting of whatever I felt on that given day.

I particularly remember a conversation that has resonated with me over the many months that have passed. It took place about a month or so after Shane passed, when one of my friends called. He would call me at least once a week on his way home, he would always tell me he just wanted to say hi and he just wanted to chat and see how I was. Since Shane passed, I had always tried to be strong when I interacted with people; I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me, so I tried my very best to be strong. This friend and his wife had just had a son, a month or so after Shane was born and every time he called I always asked about the little guy. But I remember this one conversation in particular. After we had chatted some about his baby and we talked about the plans for Shane's Foundation a little, he stopped me and he said: "You always seem so strong, but I want you to know that if you don't feel like being strong and you just want to be sad, you can call me, and I will be sad with you. We don't always have to talk about my son if you don't want to, I won't be offended and if you just feel like crying, I will cry with you." I don't think I ever told him, but hearing him say those words allowed me realize that my friends didn't want me to just "get over it". He helped me realize that those who truly loved us, weren't going to pretend like it didn't happen in order to help us heal. They wanted to be there for us, to hold our hands while they helped us navigate through this difficult time together. It is because of my friends that I write this post.

I have no idea who will read this but my hope is that it will reach each one of my friends who has made an impact in my life.

To My Friends;

Thank you fore being the best friends I could ever ask for. For giving Mike, me and especially Shane so much love and support. The fact that you sat with me, you let me cry, you let me laugh, you let me do nothing, is appreciated more than you will ever know. Thank you for being there for me at 2 am. when I called to give you the news. Thank you for driving out to my home to just hang out with me, go shopping with me, or to sit with me, during those very difficult first days. Thank you for coming to Shane's memorial, to remember the life of this special little boy and for just giving me a hug on one of my saddest days. Thank you for reaching out to me, even if we haven't spoken in years, or have never even met, for sending your thoughts and prayers; for walking with us on Thanksgiving, for supporting Shane's Foundation, and for showing us your love. Thank you for wearing those blue wristbands, on the softball field, in your weddings, and in your everyday lives. Thank you for calling, writing letters, sending messages and for your prayers. Thank you for allowing me to talk, to express my emotions, and most of all for your understanding. I know without all of you, I would be lost in a tunnel of darkness. Without your light I might never have been able to feel happiness again. Thank you for reassuring me that Shane will never be forgotten, for talking about him, remembering him, and for loving him. Thank you for being you and for being my friend. I wish I could find another phrase for Thank You, a more powerful one, to truly articulate my sincere appreciation, but I hope you know how much I love each one of you.

I opened this post by talking about Friends, the T.V. show, so I feel it's only appropriate that I quote the famous theme song to end this entry.

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me.

Seems like you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me.

Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with,

Someone I'll always laugh with, even at my worst, I'm best with you.

But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour...

...I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.